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What Do You Do When You Feel Broken?
I Have Nothing Left
I know this sounds dramatic, but it’s the way I feel. I feel very strongly that my life has no useful purpose despite me desperately trying to inject purpose into it. Here’s what’s wrong.
Work
I’ve never found a job I enjoy for long or one that challenges me. This might be due to my aiming too low because of fear of failure. My current role is in finance which is what I want. However, the person that I’ll be covering for has been doing the job for over a decade and has it down to a fine art. I am certain I’m going to stuff it up. Being told you’re wrong 10 plus times a day wears you down.
It’s also not massively well paid, and no one else knows how to do it, so when I take a holiday, the work will just keep building up when I’m gone. I am dreading the next twelve months.
My Marriage
My marriage has changed a lot over the past couple of years. It feels like Mike’s interests and mine have massively diverged. Just when I was starting to make peace with my body, he has literally become Captain Gym. He goes every single day, sometimes twice a day. He weighs all his food. He decided on a whim based on a comment on the radio that he was going to go a year without a single takeaway. Even beyond that, he rejects food he…
