Fault vs Responsibility 101. It May Not Be Your Fault…
Today I want to talk about fault vs responsibility. This topic has been rolling around my head for a while, and it always gets worse when I talk to my mother and stepfather. In case I haven’t made it clear before, one of the things that frustrate me most about them is their victim mentality. They have had problems in their lives, and I’m not disputing that. Here’s a rough breakdown.
- Both of them have suffered from chronic clinical depression
- Neither was happy living in the other’s home town
- My mum has a lot of health problems, and can be difficult
- My stepfather apparently LOVED his job in his home town and HATED the one he had for 20+ years in my mum’s town
- They’ve never had much money
Obviously, it’s way more complex than that, but it gives you an idea. You may feel sorry for them, but seriously, don’t!
Why I’m Being So Mean
What I just wrote probably makes me sound like a real b*tch. I promise you I’m not. I tried for decades to help them, often at the expense of my mental, emotional and financial health. I had to give up in the end. Why? Because you cannot help people who refuse to accept that fault vs responsibility are different things.
My parents are the flag bearer and lead drummer in the depression parade. I know their illness is real, but they use it as a reason they cannot do ANYTHING to improve their lot, including the depression itself. Any time I tried to help or got frustrated by their lack of progress, I was told, “you don’t understand; you’ve never had depression.” In fact, I have had depression since I was fifteen, so this is BS. They were too wrapped up in themselves to see it, though.
They also talk about their lives in terms of “bad luck”, as if they were carried along on the stream of life. They were passengers and had no power to make different choices. This makes me want to scream in frustration! I genuinely…